PHOTOGRAPHY BOOK
AFTER EDITING THE FILM, I STILL WANTED TO WORK WITH THE FOOTAGE. SO I PULLED STILLS IMAGES TO CREATE AN ART PHOTOGRAPHY BOOK. IT WASN’T UNTIL MY FATHER DIED — 5 YEARS LATER — THAT I WAS READY TO COMPLETE THIS PROJECT, AND WITH IT, MY STORY.
FILMMAKERS LOG 010717, 10:21PM
I was nervous as hell.
I didn't realize this until I was editing. My first shots were trembling. A lot. But once I captured their first on-screen kiss, everything changed.
I became fluid and controlled. I remember listening to my body. My vibration felt in-sync with theirs, and like a perfect pairing between wine and food, I felt a neutrality between us, undulating with waves of intensity. The more I was in tune with their sex, the more invisible I became, and the closer I could shoot.
My body buzzed for days, well into the edit. I felt twice as heavy with sensations reaching far beyond my skin. I was grounded, aware, different. That is when I realized I had to include myself in the story.
I tried to argue myself out of it. "I can't do this. A pastor making porn?" But I am not a pastor as they are not adult actresses. They are Goddesses; and I am the masculine creating a protective environment for the Divine to express Herself freely, where perfect and perverse are the same, and lust and love are synonym. I did not have a pulpit this day. They did.