HOLY EROTICA

SENSUAL STUDIES AND SACRED STORIES

  • An object made by a human being, in this case footage, observed in a scientific investigation or experiment that is not naturally present but occurs as a result of the preparative or investigative procedure.

THESE NEXT TWO HAPPENED NEXT. I DID OTHER EROTIC SHOOTS WHICH DIDN’T COUNT AS SHORT FILMS. IN FACT, THEY WERE EITHER INFORMED BY THE SHORT FILMS OR WERE PRECURSORS TO THEM. EACH IS A STUDY OF EROTICISM AND EMBODIMENT. ALSO OF EXPANSION. ALSO OF DECONSTRUCTING TRAUMA. I AM DECONDITIONING.

THESE ARE ALL EDITED.

HOLY EROTICA FILM STUDIES | ARTIFACTS

The Holy Erotica Film Studies extends beyond The Lilith Trilogy, offering a deeply personal and transformative collection of visual and audio artifacts. Each piece is an intimate exercise in somatic artography, blending embodiment and storytelling to explore the intersection of spirituality, sexuality, and self-discovery.

This exclusive curation is thoughtfully presented for COHE members in The Gallery, a sacred space for connection, reflection, and growth.

NAVIGATE DOWN FOR:

  • Hypothesis of Film Studies

  • Homoeroticism as Study and Shame

  • Film Study Artifact Series: Finding Me

    • Poetry Study

    • Breast Massage

    • Yoni Massage

    • Courtesan

    • “Metathanael”

    • JFOD: Deconstructing the Edit

    • Erased (Feminine Connection)

    • Masculine Self-Pleasure

HYPOTHESIS: What were to happen if my camera unapologetically followed my shame?

In my sexless marriage, I avoided content featuring men—it was too painful, filling me with jealousy and deepening my sense of inadequacy.

Feminine erotic content felt safer, an unlikely temptation, and I engaged with it secretly. While it nourished me, it also amplified my shame, as it made me feel more inadequate as a man.

When I began creating Holy Erotica, I instinctively turned to this secret place—women-only content—allowing my camera to follow my shame and fantasy. Though it started exciting and rewarding as a man who was considered safe, I remained invisible. Behind the camera, I was embodied, but detached from my masculinity.

Over time, this invisibility eroded my sense of self, leaving me unable to take up space as a man in relationships or in my art.

To reclaim myself, I returned to my footage, developing the pleasure praxis—a framework for self-analysis and self-articulation. Through this process, I confronted the frustration, sadness, and anger of being erased in my own work. This journey became a portal, ultimately leading me to place myself in front of the camera.

The arc of my self-discovery is reflected in the artifacts below: a curation that begins with beholding the feminine and ends with finding myself as the unarticulated masculine—a series aptly titled Finding Me. It also features studies which are precursors to or inspired by The Lilith Trilogy.

My conclusion is that if we were to examine our own porn-watching habits, and somehow go down that rabbit hole through our own unique expression, what we will ultimately find—through an ego death of emotion—is our Authentic Self.

  • In my sexless marriage, I desperately wanted to understand the mysteries of authentic feminine connection because I thought this would help me “fix my spouse”.

    But that is not mine to do. I only have a responsibility for myself. Unfortunately, the entitlements and expectations of marriage can distract anyone from this Truth.

    In my case, I become co-dependent, expecting that her fixing herself (or me fixing her) would fix me. I expected the external expression of our masculine-feminine connection to fix the internal masculine-feminine disconnection in me.

    It wasn’t until I fixed my own masculine-feminine connection WITHIN MYSELF that I experienced others opening to me. Unfortunately, I had to divorce to get there, but this isn’t the case for everyone. You CAN find your masculine-feminine connection within yourself even if your married. You just can’t do it WHILE you’re trying to do it for someone else too. THAT IS NOT YOURS TO DO.

    When you find masculine-feminine connection within yourself, FULLY, the environment around you changes. THIS is what inspires change around you.

    Focus on yourself—not the other person—and your world WILL change.

HOMOEROTICISM | AS STUDY AND SHAME

My first artifact series is an exploration of homoeroticism, which I grew up understanding as a sin, a theological embodied shame.       

Growing up fundamentalist, I was taught that homoeroticism was a sin. Through my film studies, I chose to confront this belief—and, in doing so, I confronted my own homoeroticism. This was tied to a deep wound: as a boy, I was molested by a male friend. That trauma created a gap in my ability to connect with other men.

Filming became a way to face this wound. Eventually, I took the confrontation further, experiencing an ego-death that healed my struggles to connect with both men and women.

My experience of homoeroticism feels the opposite of what I was taught. Not shame, but profound life-transformative embodied grace.

In my experience, homoeroticism is not an aberration but an initiation: an egoic death fostering healthier connections between the masculine and feminine, both interrelationally and intrarelationally. While it is not a requirement, it is a CHOICE—a pathway to cultivating deeper and higher connections.

These works express the feminine reconnecting with herself. Feminine homoeroticism without shame mirrors masculine homoeroticism without shame—both are expansive embodiments of UNITY and ONENESS.

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personal HOLY EROTICA FILM STUDIES

Moving The Anger |

In this exercise, I use the format of a trailer to evoke a sense of adventure and discovery using Dr. Kincaid’s footage, feelings that are characteristic of the kundalini.

I start featuring a yab-yum demonstration featuring Dr. Kincaid and a practitioner. Via interview Dr. Kincaid explains the feeling of coming alive. I then use her interview, her footage, and her arc to convey the adventure in store for anyone when you are reconnected to your body, whether it is through the kundalini, the aliveness of the Holy Spirit, or simply daring to live your Authentic Self one day at a time.

An adventure truly begins! Not just an adventure for you, but members of your soul family, those who can celebrate your Christ-self!

THIS IS A REPRESENTATION OF EMOTION

  • This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.

  • Connection to Content

    • What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)

    • Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)

    • What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)

    Connection to Self/Divine

    • As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)

    • In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)

    • How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)

  • Connecting to Content

    • What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)

    • What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)

    • What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)

    Connecting to Self/Divine

    • What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)

    • As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)

    • How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)

Stepping into the Light |

In this exercise, I use the format of a trailer to evoke a sense of adventure and discovery using Dr. Kincaid’s footage, feelings that are characteristic of the kundalini.

I start featuring a yab-yum demonstration featuring Dr. Kincaid and a practitioner. Via interview Dr. Kincaid explains the feeling of coming alive. I then use her interview, her footage, and her arc to convey the adventure in store for anyone when you are reconnected to your body, whether it is through the kundalini, the aliveness of the Holy Spirit, or simply daring to live your Authentic Self one day at a time.

An adventure truly begins! Not just an adventure for you, but members of your soul family, those who can celebrate your Christ-self!

THIS IS A REPRESENTATION OF EMOTION

  • This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.

  • Connection to Content

    • What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)

    • Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)

    • What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)

    Connection to Self/Divine

    • As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)

    • In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)

    • How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)

  • Connecting to Content

    • What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)

    • What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)

    • What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)

    Connecting to Self/Divine

    • What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)

    • As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)

    • How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)