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Barbara Brennan, an astrophysicist turned healer, introduces the "Three Ts" for spiritual /personal growth, from self-awareness to profound spiritual renewal.
Transformation: Awakening to and addressing inherited patterns and conditioning.
Transcendence: Moving beyond the limitations of old patterns and beliefs.
Transfiguration: The culmination of growth, where transformation and transcendence integrate into a profound alchemical change.
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I liken the definition of “holy” to an arc of personal/spiritual growth.
ho·ly
/ˈhōlē/
Set apart.
To make whole.
Set apart by being whole
As a Christian, I understood "holy" to mean "set apart." In the healing community, however, the concept of holiness takes on a different nuance—it signifies the integration of parts, a movement toward wholeness.
Holy Erotica explores the seemingly opposing realms of the "holy" and the "erotic," which religion and society have long kept separate. By reconciling these divided halves, it bridges the spiritual and the sexual within us, fostering the healing of shame. To live without shame is to embrace wholeness—a way of life that is, by its very nature, set apart.
A compendium FOR MEN
EROSTOCRAT
HOLY FIRESPIRIT IGNITED:
THE SACRED FLAME WITHIN
ISSUE-episode 2 | STUDY OF TRANSCENDENCE
ISSUE OUTLINE 2 |
ARTIFACT OUTLINE 2 |
CURRENT EVENTS (STORY)ALIENS AND A.I. AND ATLANTIS. OH MY! - As our reality expands, our concepts of spirituality and sexuality should expand too.
SCIENCE/TECHTHE BELL-CURVE OF A.I. (Framed with a counter-balance of embodiment)
ORGONE MACHINES FROM WILLIAM REICH
CHRISTIANITY AS A TECHNOLOGY / (For Holy Fire) - TRANSITION INTO NEXT SECTION
EROTIC ARTANDY WARHOL / PROPAGANDA - Associate with Nazi Party to diffuse Christian Nationalism
CHRISTIAN MYSTIC ART OF TRANSVERBERATION
TULUM AND NYC GODDESS SHOOTS FEATURED
SELF PLEASURE SHOOTS
SEXUALITYSELF-PLEASURE
ARTIFACTSAPOLOGY FROM THE FEMININE (AS COUNTERPART OF APOLOGY FROM THE MASCULINE)
SACRED SELFIE - CONTINUED - FEATURE’S NATHANAEL SELF-PLEASURE EXERCISE
THE KISS - CONTINUED - CAPTURING SENSUAL INNOCENSE
RELIGION/SPIRITUALITYCHRISTIAN MYSTICISM
MEZO-AMERICAN SPIRITUALITY
THE EMBODIED SPIRIT: Rediscovering Magic of Christ
The artifacts presented here are comparing people having kunalini awakenings with presbyterians. I talk about witnessing something that I thought was just me and seeing it mirrored in Christianity.
I talk about the trinity and how one third of what we believe is mystery. And this is something that we need again. It is hard to compete with aliens and AI, but there is something to compete. The magic of Christ is real. That Love can drop down on you. Because this is what happened with me. I had a kundalini awakening and since then I’ve been seeing threads that weave something in and Christianity is just the beginning.
I discovered there was another christmas story before christmas and this scared me at first until I realize that god was bigger than what I imagined. And if God is bigger than what I imagined, what does that do to my faith. it means it should also get bigger.
The film I made Cosmic Touch was a part of this expansion. It showed me that orgasm can be more and I believe this. Can you have a sexual encounter with God?
We are living in a post-evangelical world, where nearly everyone has heard of Christ. But evangelism today cannot mean preaching the same Christ of conquest. It must distinguish the authentic Christ—a message of healing, love, and unity—from the anti-Christ, which thrives on fear and control. Simultaneously, we are in a post-truth world, where media manipulation, church abuses, and even the normalization of extraterrestrial discussions force us to question authority and reality itself.
How, then, do we find Truth in a post-truth world? How do we identify the authentic Christ in a post-evangelical landscape? How do we heal a nation entrenched in division?
The answer, I believe, lies in a collective revival of Christ. This is not about the return of a singular figure but about the awakening of Christ’s spirit within humanity—a collective transformation across religions and beliefs. It’s about seeing God not as a literal figure prone to humanlike flaws, but as the essence of love and yearning for connection within all of us.
This is the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s gnosis—a deep knowing that transcends doctrine and calls us to live authentically in Christ’s heart. This message is not exclusive to Christianity; it resonates across cultures and languages as a universal truth.
The time is now. We are the Revival. Christ’s return is within us—a collective movement that unites rather than divides. Healing begins when we embrace this truth and let the heart of Christ guide us forward.
The second episode shifts to New York and Tulum, where I try to vet the footage of my teacher, a woman whose teachings and #MeToo accusations intertwine with my own story. To get to the truth, I become her apprentice, only to discover that her story reflects my own unprocessed pain—it happened to me too. This realization strikes as my father passes away, adding layers of grief and introspection. What initially seems like an investigation of her becomes an investigation of myself, as she helps me confront the blockages I’ve been avoiding.
The second issue delves into the convergence of science and spirituality, focusing on kundalini energy, the Holy Spirit, and the sacred geometry of DNA. Themes of ascension, transformation, and the emergence of a new humanity are central.
Here, my mentor, Kristina, takes on the role of investigator. She begins with the healer who transformed her, unraveling deeper layers of healing and consciousness. This investigation mirrors the fractal nature of the series, where each person’s exploration branches out and connects to others.
RELIGION, SCIENCE, EDUCTATION, SOCIAL ISSUES |
The Holy Erotica film studies are not all blatantly erotic. Most deal with the subject of spiritual-sexuality conversationally or peripherally to illustrate how eroticism interweaves into all parts of life such as family dynamics, religious upbringing, ancestry, biology, spirituality, and MORE. Featured contributors include anthropologists, published therapists, sexologists, trauma therapists, ministers, and my friends.
THE SEX WITCH (Artifact 071919) | An interview with bodyworker and author Jamie Lynn Finch deconstructing the conditionings of purity culture.
Artifacts 071919 | Dr. Monique Modrey discusses racism while I slowly start realizing my pattern of filming and dating white women.
The Feeling of Coming Alive! |
In this exercise, I use the format of a trailer to evoke a sense of adventure and discovery using Dr. Kincaid’s footage, feelings that are characteristic of the kundalini.
I start featuring a yab-yum demonstration featuring Dr. Kincaid and a practitioner. Via interview Dr. Kincaid explains the feeling of coming alive. I then use her interview, her footage, and her arc to convey the adventure in store for anyone when you are reconnected to your body, whether it is through the kundalini, the aliveness of the Holy Spirit, or simply daring to live your Authentic Self one day at a time.
An adventure truly begins! Not just an adventure for you, but members of your soul family, those who can celebrate your Christ-self!
THIS IS A REPRESENTATION OF EMOTION
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This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.
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Connection to Content
What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)
Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)
What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)
Connection to Self/Divine
As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)
What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)
What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)
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This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.
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Connection to Content
What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)
Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)
What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)
Connection to Self/Divine
As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)
What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)
What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)
Yab-Yum Real-Time Demonstration |
This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy.
THIS IS UNCUT, AND PROBABLY DOES NOT TRANSLATE INTO THE ROOM, WHICH IS WHY THESE ARTIFACTS ARE BETTER VIEWED IN PUBLIC SPACES. FOR NOW, MAKE THIS A STUDY IN YOUR PRIVATE SPACE.
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In the video, I recreate the moment I met my mentor, Dr. Kristina Kincaid, who helped me understand the kundalini by sharing her own journey through footage. She also recorded her journey as an ethnographic video journal.
My apprenticeship with Kristina genuinely guided me as I explored my church roots, erotic art, and my work with her around the world—experiences that would become the foundation of the first issue of Erostocrat.
I intuitively got footage of my perspective of the yab-yum exercise without good reason why. I just had too. This footage was key to convey the flash-forward experience. It’s remarkable that I had this much footage, authentically lived, to depict this experience. It is beyond rare to me. Hence, important.
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Connection to Content
What did I believe about myself and my creative purpose when I first followed my gut and began this journey? (Explore the thoughts and beliefs that guided your initial choices and how they aligned with your vision.)
Where in my body did I feel the pull to create, and how did I know to trust it? (Reflect on the physical sensations—tension, excitement, or flow—that signaled your alignment with this project.)
What inner knowing or spiritual truth was I honoring by depicting this memory of the future? (Examine the connection between your intuition and your deeper calling.)
Connection to Self/Divine
What parts of this story now feel like prophesy fulfilled, and how does that change how I view my creative choices back then? (Consider how the events unfolded and the clarity they bring to your earlier work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How has visiting this memory of the future deepened my understanding of my journey as both creator and subject? (Reflect on how your perspective has evolved and what you see now that you couldn’t before)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts arise as I witness this memory of the future, and how do they relate to my own life or creative instincts? (Reflect on how the concept of a memory of the future challenges or inspires their thinking.)
Where in my body do I feel the energy of this film, and how does it shift as I watch? (Notice physical sensations, such as tension, warmth, or openness, and their emotional impact.)
What part of my own spiritual or intuitive journey resonates with the protagonist’s experience of the transformation? (Connect the story to their own soul’s longing or growth.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
If I imagine myself 8 years from now, how might this film reflect choices I’m being called at make today? (Consider how this narrative might serve as a guide for your future.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How does seeing the protagonist’s journey fulfilled alter my understanding of memory time, and creative potential in my own life? (Reflect on how the film expands on your perception of possibility and purpose.)
Memory of the Future |
The video below serves as an artifact to contextualize kundalini, offering orientation for those who may sense similar experiences buried within themselves. It follows the emergence of the term “erostocrat” over an 8-year journey—a name that found its true meaning when I revisited this footage.
This montage is a literal depiction of my somatic experience with kundalini—a true artifact of esoteric study, felt deeply and personally; a memory of the future brought into the present with this magazine.
THIS IS AN EMOTIONAL DEPICTION OF WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE TO ME. THERE CAN BE A KNOWING OF THE FUTURE. IN THIS CASE, THERE IS, I SAW A VERSION OF ME THAT IS ARTICULTING NOW, WHICH IS WHY I AM SHOWCASING IT.
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In this film study, I edit Dr. Kristina Kincaid’s experience with the kundalini which she self-filmed in a Mayan temple, and how that led her into healing work.
I then edit my story with the kundalini with my own footage which addresses my sexual wound. It’s important to note that the kundalini / Holy Spirit is NOT about sexuality for everyone. It just happens to be the case for me.
Christian Mysticism and religious art was my gateway to understand the kundalini. My apprenticeship was my guide to create Holy Erotica Film Studies as healing containers that can potentially, not always, ignite the kundalini in others.
This video ends showcasing the workshop space that Kristina and I hold together, a weaving of non-western and western spiritual narratives together in the body. It depicts the power of the kundalini as it emotionally feels to me, as the embodied fire of the Holy Spirit, an agent of REVIVAL.
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Connection to Content
What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)
Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)
What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)
Connection to Self/Divine
As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)
What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)
What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)
Kundalini as Holy Spirit |
To contextualize the nature of the Revival workshop, I offer the following artifact as a study of the mystical kundalini. It is a study that I needed to edit to integrate my understanding into my body.
This montage helped me conclude that the kundalini (aka the Holy Spirit) is, in fact, the love-energy at work underneath my Holy Erotica Film Studies with a reach far beyond sexuality, but to heal a divided nation, and beyond this, a disembodied world.
EYE GAZE WITH THE CAMERA |
In this exercise, I use the format of a trailer to evoke a sense of adventure and discovery using Dr. Kincaid’s footage, feelings that are characteristic of the kundalini. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy.
THIS IS TO ESTABLISH CONNECTION WITH ALL THE WOUNDS ABOVE ARTICULATED AND INTO THE BELIEVING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE
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This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.
-
Connection to Content
What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)
Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)
What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)
Connection to Self/Divine
As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)
What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)
What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)
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This was an effort to convey the feeling of the kundalini without going into any detail about it. This was produced while we were developing this into a documentary series. I felt like I couldn’t take the footage to where they wanted it. It was forced. I had to wait.
-
Connection to Content
What was my initial understanding or belief about this story or subject, and how did it shape my creative process? (Focus on the thoughts or intellectual connections that inspired the creation.)
Where in my body did I feel the most resonance or tension while creating, and how did those sensations guide my choices?(Highlight the physical responses and how they influenced the work.)
What spiritual or intuitive truths did I connect with during the creation process, and how did they help me convey the essence of the story? (Reflect on the deeper, unseen forces that aligned with the content.)
Connection to Self/Divine
As I review this now, how has my perspective on the story evolved, and what new insights or feelings does it bring up? (Explore how time and experience have reframed the meaning or significance of the work.)
In this moment of creation, how can you feel the subtle guidance or intelligence flowing through you, shaping the narrative, and connecting you to something beyond your individual self? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take the lessons or growth from this experience and apply them to my future work or life? (End with a focus on integrating the experience into tangible action.)
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Connecting to Content
What thoughts or ideas come tomind as I engage with this story, and how do they connect to my own experiences or beliefs?(Invite the viewer to reflect on intellectual or personal connections.)
What sensations arise in mybodywhile engaging with this content, and how do they shift throughout the experience?(Guide the viewer to notice their physical responses to the story.)
What deeper truths or spiritual questions does this story awaken, and how do they resonate with my life?(Encourage introspection on the soul-level connection.)
Connecting to Self/Divine
What new perspectives or emotions does this story leave me with, and how might they inspire a shiftin my own life? (Prompt reflection on personal transformation or change.)
As you engage with this content, can you sense a higher intelligence or divine presence guiding the story, inviting you to witness a deeper truth beyond the surface? (Explore the possibility of a guidance beyond the subject, beyond the filmmaker, beyond self, and beyond conditionings and trauma.)
How can I take what I’ve learned or felt from this experience and put it into practicein my daily life? (Encourage the viewer to translate the experience into actionable steps.)
EYE GAZE WITH THE CAMERA |
In this exercise, I use the format of a trailer to evoke a sense of adventure and discovery using Dr. Kincaid’s footage, feelings that are characteristic of the kundalini. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy. This is a raw and uncut demonstration where I show the reaction of orgiastic energy.
THIS IS TO ESTABLISH CONNECTION WITH ALL THE WOUNDS ABOVE ARTICULATED AND INTO THE BELIEVING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE
THE MIND | THEOLOGY
So Nathanael explains how he learned everything from the footage and this is how people know. But he finds out there is something that he doesn’t know if he can trust so he has to see for himself.
THE SOUL | EROTIC ART
THE BODY | HEALING
This is after Cosmic Touch and Nathanael is already her apprentice, and we will catch up to his trip to go with KK to Mexico, and by this time Nathanael already has an allure for shoots. He’s going to learn the origin of Holy Erotica, the stuff that he hadn’t filmed, his kundalini awakening. Like a memory.
Here is where Nathanael gets the idea that he’s the guy and this is a Naive thing, but of course he wasn’t to be this as all guys do.
In the cave shoot he remembers that he saw a cave and Maria is Kristina, and she is Catholic, and he gets this idea to do the next film as a transmission for everyone to self pleasure and confront what is inside them.
Nathanael gets overwhelmed that he cannot be in the space. He goes to NYC to work with KK.
nathanael investigates transreverberation by investigating his own account which leads him to dr. kristina kincaid and her tapes of the tranverberation that she filmed. But I do not trust it because I do not trust the guy who is in it. This is about my distrust in men because I was sexually molested. Filming women together and women solo is symbolic of what I have to do solo to heal my masculine wound.
THIS FIRST PART IS IN NEW YORK AND SUPPORTED BY OTHER WOMEN STORIES.
Act 2 is where I go into the self-pleasure exercise and film myself and see the anger that I Have towards men and towards myself. I then do an exercise with Kristina that makes it go away, and it switches to pleasure. This is where I start to have distrust in my own teacher.
THIS SECOND PART IS IN TULUM MEXICO. I AM CONSUMED BY WOMEN. I ALSO HAVE THE VISION HERE ARTICULATED.
Act 3 becomes cosmic touch and what I am filming.
MAYBE THIS IS WHERE MY FATHER DIES AND I LOSE THE FILM TO GAFNI AND I FEEL LOST. PANDEMIC. LOWEST LOW.
HAWAII - SOIL
PHILIPPINES - STORY OF THE TATTOO AND ALSO OTHER STORIES OF TRAFFICKING
ARKANSAS - INTEGRATION WITH ECLIPSE AND ARKANSAS CULTURE AND NATIVE AMERICANS
NATHANAEL’S POP DIES WHICH PUTS AN END TO THIS, BUT WE SHOULD GO TO TULUM NEW YORK WHERE I FILM MORE PEOPLE.
KK IS A SUPERSTAR IN NYC AND NATHANAEL IS UPSET HOW SHE HEALED.
NATHANAEL FEELS JOY BUT LEARNS ABOUT GAFNI LATER.
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Tulum, MX
My first official nude shoot with a friend unravels into a profound conversation of embodiment and growing up in conservative Christianity and a mutual calling to be cultural change-agents in a the name of CHRIST through a common wound of spiritual-sexuality.
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Oakland, CA
A character study of a friend who grew up in a cult and once was rode free on a “wild horse” reflects on her escape and paradoxically found freedom and healing in SHIBARI, Japanese rope bondage, a sacred and sensual art inspiring her many talents as a fashion designer and performance artist.
EROSTOCRAT INTERSTICIALS
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Kennewick, WA
An AUDIO STUDY of a friend who teaches dance and counsels women recovering from the exotic spaces and her profound story of ancestry, once a mystery because of her adoption into a conservative and well-to-do family, but a profound discovery of lineage of the erotic reconnecting her to her severed line of her mother, her grandmother, and the “Foxy Lady” of Jimi Hendrix.
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Brooklyn, NY
A film study of art and empowerment with a friend who finds her HIGHEST abilities in the invisible power-dynamics of conversing with men in the underbelly of the exotic dance space; a sacred solitary expression which happens to be center stage. It’s a practice of surrender to the unknown as mirrored in her therapeutic paintings with fellow “work wife” Raven; a dance at the edges of addiction and artistry.
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Brooklyn, NY
An AUDIO STUDY of a friend who grew up without a father and under the shame from the church, but remarkably, still finding her power, agency, and autonomy in NAMING HERSELF; a glimpse into a chapter of her ever-evolving journey that continues today.
